Rihanna...she's so awesome!

Oh Rihanna, where do I begin with your badness? Every song you touch seems to suck, and your voice gets more and more annoying. Not to mention, you have a tendency to take a sample from an awesome song and your powers of sucktitude almost ruin the original for me. Here we go….

This song just bites it all and I’m sure you all have heard it. Even if it is painful and you want to forget about it. It starts off cool enough with a short rap from Jay-Z, so you may be thinking that the song may have some potential. Oh you couldn’t me more wrong my friends. In comes her obnoxious dry voice infected with her constant inflections and yodeling. The song goes on forever and never gets any better. Plus could she repeat “ella, ella, ella, ella, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, ella, ella, ella, ella, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh” any more? It’s annoying as hell, SHUT UP!



Here’s her first single that got big here, “Pon de replay”. Here she is trying to bring her Caribbean flavor to us here in the States. At first it’s not too bad. I still hate her voice, but she’s not trying to be annoying like in the Umbrella song. Then it happens! About a minute into the song she keeps telling Mr. DJ to turn the music up. There is some other junk she rambles in between her requests for louder music, but that’s all that sticks with me. I’m not sure what happens after that, I couldn’t listen to anymore.




So here is “SOS”. This is the song were she sampled Soft Cell’s “Tainted Love”, and laid her horrible voice onto a more modern beat. Surprising to me, she wasn’t nearly as annoying on this song as the previous two I posted. Even though the song is four and a half minutes long, she didn’t find any phrases to repeat a thousand times. So, maybe this isn’t quite so bad after all? Is that possible? Is there something wrong with me? Let’s move on.



“Please don’t stop the music!” “Please don’t stop the music!” “Please don’t stop the music!” “Please don’t stop the music!” Ever heard this before? I have, that’s all this song says. Well that and the part where she rapes the classic chant "Mama-se, mama-sa, mama-coo-sa" from Michael Jackson’s “Wanna be startin’ somethin’” and turns it into (shocking gasp) an annoying, repeated Rihannanized blast of audio shit!



This last one is more of a personal hatred. Let’s give you some info about me, I love Maroon 5. I think they are great and love both of there albums. When I found out that “If I never see your face again” was the next single I was happy because that was my favorite song on the album at that time. Then I found out they rerecorded the song with Rihanna and was very disappointed that she was going to ruin a good song. Much like how Beyonce ruined Justin’s “Until the end of time”. Not that I would listen to Justin Timberlake, but I heard from some people that it was a really good song on the album and her singing on it make it suck. I will admit that it’s not a horrible performance, but being a huge fan of the original it is hard to listen to her voice taint the coolness which was the original.